Saying Goodbye.

I cannot believe how God answers prayers. I was scheduled to leave for a work trip to Colorado on Tuesday morning. I wasn't sure if I should go because of Grandpa's health and asked God what I should do. I didn't get any flashing signs not to go and the word was Grandpa had about a week to two weeks to live. I thought even if something happened I could always come back early, so I decided to go. I stayed at my parent's house on Monday night. We got up at 4:20am and left not long after and headed on our way with plenty of time to get there. I even skipped stopping for coffee to make sure that I got to the airport without delay. Dad dropped me off and left for work and I headed for the check-in. I was surprised to see the crowd of people in line, it was spring break and there were more people then normal traveling. I got in line and finally made it up to the desk when the friendly airline worker told me check-in was closed for my flight and I had missed it by about 3 min. She booked me on the next flight at 1pm that afternoon, so I had plenty of time to kill. I took my bags and went to get some coffee and breakfast. The thought of calling my sister went through my head, because she lives about 15 min. from the airport. I decided it was too early to call her, but while I was waiting for my coffee she called. Stephanie was was on her way to visit Grandpa and driving past the airport. We worked out I had enough time to go with her and get back in time for my next flight. I was so excited about this unexpected chance to see Grandpa again.

We got to their house and Mom and my Aunt Vivian were there with Grandpa and Grandma. They had stayed over there the night, because he was needing more help and care, more then she could handle on her own. I went in and held Grandpa's hand. He was breathing heavily, because they had just got him back into bed from a trip to the bathroom. I held his hand for a long time and tried to hold back the tears. I didn't want him to wake up and see me crying. When he finally woke up and saw me and gave me a big smile, I told him about my missed flight and he smiled and grabbed my hand tighter. I sat with him for a while longer and then decided to give my sister a chance to sit with him.

I picked up my camera and began to shoot some photos. I wanted to keep my mind off of loosing my Grandpa and be able to have something to hold onto later. I wasn't sure if I should or not, because I wanted to preserve his dignity and respect him, but I knew that I might regret not taking them as well. Then my mom convinced Grandma to get next to him and take some pictures with him. I was so glad that she did, because I think they are so beautiful. I have never seen her love on him that way, which made me very grateful to be able to capture them together. I went outside in the frosty morning sun and took pictures of Grandpa's daffodils, they were his favorite flowers and they were in full bloom. He would make us take some home with us when ever we would leave, because he wanted to other people to enjoy them. He did this with everything he grew in his garden.

When we finally said goodbye to my Grandpa, he asked me if Stephanie was coming with me. I said, "Yeah, she is taking me back to the airport, I gotta go to Colorado. I love you Grandpa." I gave him a kiss and then we left. I got through checked-in and security, and was waiting when Stephanie called again. She said hospice had come over again and said Grandpa probably had less then 24 hours to live. I called Dad, he said he would love it if I stayed. I knew I needed to be there for him. I canceled my flight and got my bags back, which was a lot easier then I thought it would be. Not long after that Dad came and picked me up at the airport. We made one stop and then took our dog Isaac to the kennel, which was where we were when Mom called and told Dad that Grandpa had passed away. It was so quick, much quicker then we had thought, which meant Dad was not there with all of his sisters when Grandpa took his last breath. Dad told me when we got back into the car. He asked if we should take the back roads one last time. I told him that it was okay to cry, no one would see him and that he could just put on his sunglasses. Dad doesn't like to show his emotions (I don't either) and I knew he was upset and he needed to let it out. I saw him wipe under his glasses a couple of times. I struggled to keep strong for him.

When we finally made it to the house everyone cleared out of the house and gave Dad a chance to say goodbye to Pop alone. I walked to the end of the driveway away from everyone and sobbed. I thought about how it could have been different if Dad hadn't picked me up and he would have been able to be there, but no one knew that it was so close. Grandpa was talking and aware and then just like that he was gone. Life is so amazing and fragile.

When everyone had a chance to say goodbye the mortuary not too long after to take Grandpa away. We were able to cover him with the flag to honor his service in World War II and Dad was able to help carry him with my uncle and cousin. It was a moment I will remember forever. They put him into the van and Dad bent down and said goodbye again. Then he stood in the driveway and waved goodbye as they pulled away. I ran up to stand with him, then Mom and Stephanie came to stand and wave with us. It was our family tradition to watch and wave whenever anyone left our house after a visit, which we still do to this day. Grandpa's tradition was to honk the car horn twice as he pulled away! Before they left Stephanie had told the driver to honk the horn twice, he looked at her funny, but I will never forget my dad's face when he did. It was a look of surprise and then a huge smile came over him and we all laughed. He said, "Hey? Hey! That's my Pop!"

I am still amazed at how God answered my prayers about where I should be. I thought I would be fine if I was in Colorado when Grandpa died, because I thought I had come to terms with him dying and I had said goodbye quite a few times never knowing if it would be the last. I realized this week that I could have never said goodbye enough, because I miss him already.

While I was organizing photos for the memorial service I turned to ask Grandpa who someone was in a photo, and realized in a deeper level that he was no longer there. I could never have guessed how much I needed to be with my family to support them and to just be near and available to them. I could have never guessed how much these photos already mean and how somethings are too precious to miss and for that I will be forever grateful that God knew and intervened.